​Previously on the blog, I wrote a reflection on how the practice of NFP allows us to hone different virtues. Included in that list was prudence, which involves right judgment or discernment of what is the right thing to do. Prudence is one of the four cardinal virtues of classical antiquity. As Christians we also recognize three theological virtues faith, hope and charity (see: 1 Cor 13:13)
 
While the four cardinal virtues can be known, practiced, and acquired through the human action, the theological virtues come from and lead to the Triune God. They still require human action in order to be nourished and grow, but they are “the pledge of the presence and action of the Holy Spirit in the faculties of the human being (CCC #1813).
 
For Christians, the discernment which accompanies prudence must necessarily be informed by the counsel of the Holy Spirit, one of the gifts which is strengthened in the Sacrament of Confirmation.
 
Yet discernment is an often misunderstood and underdeveloped art in our modern world. Abundant distractions, a lack of silence in our daily lives, hyper focus on the future, and the myth of total autonomy all pervade our experience of the Western world today. Each of these is a hindrance to true discernment, but they can be recognized fairly easily and with some effort can be countered through our own good actions.
 
What is far more difficult and poisonous to our personal discernment are attitudes within the Christian community which distort discernment into a sort of divine mind-reading game, devised by a God who lays out a multitude of possible paths and expects us to pick the right one… or else. We tend to relegate discernment to an action taken only when faced with very big or impactful choices: like a fork in the road, where God is asking us to choose the one right path. Once we have chosen that, we can continue along the road relatively easily and without much thought until the next big decision comes along.
 
On the other hand, discerning the will of God can sometimes be seen as a constant stream of crippling choices. I've heard friends who have become so focused on doing the will of God “at all times,” that they worry even the slightest choice they will make will lead to a huge diversion from God's plan. They see it as a narrow road laid out specifically for them, which must be walked like a tightrope for their entire lives if they are to succeed in their journey towards heaven. Perhaps this is not an explicit belief of theirs, but it manifests when they are asked to make a decision, and find that it comes with crippling anxiety and scrupulosity.
 
We who use NFP are acutely tuned to the fact that the reality of discernment falls somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. It is not a one-time event associated only with capital-v Vocation questions. But neither is it something that must cripple us into thinking that every little decision must be scrutinized. There are a lot of wonderful books, guides and programs available which can teach us about discernment techniques. But so much of it can be pulled straight from the practice of NFP, which requires prudence, counsel, and a huge dollop of faith to keep us going.
 
So for our mutual benefit, I would like to present a few ways in which Natural Family Planning helps us understand and practice the Christian art of discernment.

Yet again, another Facebook group I'm part of has descended into the depths of agony known as "The Grave Reasons Debate." 

For those who are not yet initiated, let me sum up: 

Someone says, "Does the Church say you can only use NFP for grave reasons?" 

A number of folks chime in to say, "Technically that word was used in some translations, but it comes from the Latin and Italian, where grave has a different connotation. In English, the Church is now favoring words like serious reasons, or just cause." 

Then everyone's Facebook avatar heads explode because they think sOmEonE iS wRoNG oN thE iNtErNeT

Conversation takes a nasty turn as everyone now debates whether or not NFP is just "Catholic birth control" and if you can use it with a "contraceptive mentality." 

I just... don't have time for this anymore. 
I address this directly in my NFP Masterclass and NFP Ambassador Training videos because it is important to know the answers to these objections. It is important for Catholics to be well-versed in what the Church teaches, and to understand the implications for how they apply NFP in their own lives. Discernment is important.  Being able to extricate discernment about NFP use from what JPII calls "selfish reasons" is important. 

So if you really want to to think about that topic, here's a fabulous article by Kevin Miller, PhD, that you should read. Have fun. 

What I want to talk about today is actually the virtue of magnanimity and how I think it is so absolutely crucial to understand this virtue in order to be able to converse with with each other respectfully about NFP.

​Ladies and gents, I've been working as a Natural Family Planning instructor for over ten years, and I cannot tell you how many engaged Catholic couples I've worked with who have wrestled with the idea of a sexless honeymoon. If you have discerned a serious reason to postpone pregnancy at the beginning of your marriage, I just want to let you know that you are not alone in feeling anxious, worried, or even angry that you might need to abstain on your wedding night or even all through the honeymoon. 

So this message I received recently was not unique, in one sense, but I thought I'd take time to address it here in two parts: 

1.  Is an unconsummated marriage still valid? 
2. Recommended resources to help you pray through this situation.

NERD ALERT! This may be more information than you ever wanted about marriage, but I'll serve it up anyway because I find it fascinating. I'm not a Canon Lawyer, so... I offer this without authority on the matter beyond my formal theological training. The reader can decide how much that is worth. 

​
When it comes to Sacraments, we talk a lot about "validity." This is because Sacraments require specific forms and specific matter in order to effect their unique graces. Do we believe that God can work outside these specific forms and specific matter? YES! God is God. But, as a Church, we operate under the assumption that for ordinary circumstances, we need to follow particular guidance in order to be assured that the Sacrament has been effective. 

So, what makes a marriage valid? What is needed for us to be assured that Sacramental marriage, has, in fact, been effected?